People mostly only call me when things aren’t going well.
Here’s a true story from earlier this year…
“Carol, I can’t take it. I’m too lonely…” it was my beautiful fifty-year-old client, Ellen. “I’m gonna go back to Steve.”
She’d broken up with Steve, her “almost/but not quite right” boyfriend, four months before.
He was a great person, they had great sex, he made her laugh, he wanted her to move in… but he drove her nuts.
He was moody. He didn’t like going out. He didn’t like shopping, or plays, or museums (all things she loved)…
He lived kind of far away, and was constantly changing and/or breaking plans with Ellen at the last minute because of the whims and scheduling of his ex - because they shared a teenage daughter.
So she couldn’t rely on him to be there for her. And they didn’t get enough time together.
And when he was around, he only wanted to do what he wanted to do… So she was constantly annoyed, disappointed, and resentful.
(Why are there so many Steve’s in the world, I ask you?)
“Ellen,” I said. “Quit torturing the man. You’re only going to end up dumping him again.”
She grew silent.
“And you’re only going to be lonely with him anyway.”
“But at least I’d have someone…” she said, her voice trailing off.
“Listen… You’ve NEVER really committed to what you want. You’ve never really had the relationship you want. And you always end up falling for the men that choose you, without really figuring out early on if you can get your needs met, and be truly happy.”
“Well, that’s true…” she admitted, quietly.
“What if you made a real effort, and we put together a GREAT internet dating profile with fantastic photos and you just saw what happened?”
“I dunno… Internet dating sucks,” she said, sounding like every client and single friend I’ve ever had when I first bring up the topic.
“Give it thirty days. Just thirty days. And then reevaluate.”
“I dare you.”
“But I have,” she answered, exasperated. “I’ve been doing it. No one interesting contacts me. Everyone is boring. It’s too much work. I can’t stand it.”
But I knew differently. I thought of the many clients I’d helped with it, many who found love fast. Who prior to working with me also felt like there was “no one interesting” and that it was “too time-consuming” for not enough pay-off, and that they’d never find HIM that way...
“Show me what you’re doing,” I said.
She sent me her dating site log-in, and screen shots of her profile and photos from the app she was on, and there it was. What I always see.
Her pictures did NOT flatter her. She’s super attractive, but it’s like she didn’t want the men of the world to know…
She had food in her teeth in one. (Swear!)
She’s tall and fit with a great figure, but she didn’t have a full-length photo so no man could tell.
And in the one that was almost full-length and could’ve shown her off, she was wearing a puffy jacket that hid her form… and made her look like she might even be fat.
And the kicker? One of her photos was a selfie in the car, and because it was a selfie, she wasn’t looking into the camera, so her gaze was off… (why, oh why does everyone take selfies in the bathroom and the car??)
So what happened?
I made her take better photos… with a girlfriend and some specific instructions I gave them.
I taught her how to write a profile that was irresistible, highlighting her strengths and most attractive qualities, and what she had to offer a man.
And I picked a great day in the stars for her to hit “live” on the dating app and site.
And what happened?
ONE WEEK LATER SHE MET AN AMAZING GUY and they quickly fell madly in love…
She doesn’t call me unhappy or lonely anymore.
Instead we just have text exchanges like this:
That took seven measly days. One photo session and a rewrite. (But it had to be the RIGHT photos and rewrite…)
She almost went back to Mr. “I’m grumpy and everything is on my timeline and terms” and missed out on THAT guy.
“So do you still ever miss Steve?” I asked her a few weeks into her new relationship.
“Steve who?” she responded.
Now, I know what you’re thinking…
Ellen is just one anecdotal story.
And she’s beautiful.
So, of COURSE it worked for her.
Well, guess what? I could sit here and tell you stories all day about women older than Ellen, not as fit, not as tall, not as attractive, having the same kind of results.
In fact, everyone I’ve taught my “magic formula” to has had big improvements in looking for love online, and many have been able to stop internet dating forever - because they found their guy!
It’s worked so well, even I’ve been surprised by it! ;)
My client Vicki is in her late fifties and was terrified to try internet dating.
She’d been divorced twice - once from an abusive guy, and a second time from an active alcoholic (and I don’t mean he’d go to the gym before drinking… I mean he was actively drinking!).
She was just sure she’d get no attention.
She had her niece take photos as per my instructions, and we crafted a profile together highlighting her most “man-tastic” pleasing qualities, and guess what happened?
After three days she sent me this text:
This was one month into the “lockdown” portion of the pandemic, by the way…
(I always say, nothing can stop love!)
My client, Kari, is in her late forties. She told me the usual - that she’d “never meet anyone online.”
She sent me her photos, and I actually gasped.
Her profile picture was absolutely terrible.
She looked miserable!
She wasn’t smiling. She looked startled, with wide eyes and a scowl on her face - like she was surprised by something that she did not like.
Her hair was messy and looked like she’d just rolled out of bed.
I couldn’t believe it!
Her profile was very conceptual, and philosophical. It read like a heady poem.
But it didn’t say anything that could help a man picture what being with her would be like. It didn’t say anything about how his life would be better with her in it.
It would make a guy be in his head as he read it, not in his heart.
But honestly, with that terrible first photo, no man was ever going to read her profile anyway.
I made her swap it out for an attractive headshot, had her rewrite her profile so she sounded like a real person a man could actually envision being with, and told her that her life was about to change.
Here’s the FaceBook message she sent me the next day:
Here's the thing: I only coach privately with a dozen women a year…
In the last two years three have gotten married, several have had serious relationships, five have found their dream guy they’re sure they’ll be with forever, and they all have had far more attention and fun internet dating.
Oh yeah, and one got engaged LAST NIGHT. (I’m not kidding!) She sent me this as I was writing this very letter…